Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Diamond or Grass?
Diamond=Mr.X
Grass=Me
People nowadays usually look at status rather than value.
Diamond as you know is something very precious.
Grass?
Well, just got stepped everyday and no human gives a damn about it.
Which one has status more and which one has value more?
You have diamond, you have status.
When you sell it out, it has great values.
But..
One day, when you're seriously ill, how?
Which one do you pick then?
When you found out that the grass actually contains medicinal value and that particular grass is one of the major components that can cure your illness when brewed with other herbs, which one do you choose then?
When our dying day is near, people tend to realize the grass' potential and its value over diamond.
When they are cured, things will be back to where it started again.
Diamond over grass.
Maybe worse, they might gain lust for more variation of diamonds.
or maybe more....
This is what you called human mentality. People will never say no to more.
For example, if a person is known to be the richest person on earth, do you think that person will just retire and live a peaceful life? NO!!! Why?
He/she will use whatever means necessary to preserve his/her status as the richest person on earth to avoid being overtaken by others (KIASU). Indirectly saying, people will never say no to more especially to wealth and fame..
But you one things for sure,
You will never know what will happen in the future.
If one day you went bankrupt, you lost your wealth and fame.
What will you do next?
Wealth and fame are just temporary happiness because they do not follow you after your death.
When will people going to learn how to treasure something that is already around us all the time like sand, earth, grass and etc.
Tell you one fact, to be a rich person, one has to do something dirty in order to achieve his/her targets or else gaining that reputation would seem to be almost impossible.
I am not going to mention the examples because I am afraid I might get sued.
When you're too rich for your own good, people respect you, people act in front of you just to gain benefits from you and some might hate you because your humanity has been consumed by your own pride.
As I mentioned earlier, this "grass" can help with your illness.
It can help extend your life. Even if you don't have wealth and fame and poor, you still have people to love. Love is a lifetime happiness and not temporary.
Without life do you think you have the chance to earn wealth and fame?
Which is more important to you?
Diamond or grass?
Grass=Me
People nowadays usually look at status rather than value.
Diamond as you know is something very precious.
Grass?
Well, just got stepped everyday and no human gives a damn about it.
Which one has status more and which one has value more?
You have diamond, you have status.
When you sell it out, it has great values.
But..
One day, when you're seriously ill, how?
Which one do you pick then?
When you found out that the grass actually contains medicinal value and that particular grass is one of the major components that can cure your illness when brewed with other herbs, which one do you choose then?
When our dying day is near, people tend to realize the grass' potential and its value over diamond.
When they are cured, things will be back to where it started again.
Diamond over grass.
Maybe worse, they might gain lust for more variation of diamonds.
Rare exotic diamonds:
Regent diamond: Mr.A,
Cullinan diamond: Mr.B,
Hope diamond: Mr.C
Regent diamond: Mr.A,
Cullinan diamond: Mr.B,
Hope diamond: Mr.C
or maybe more....
This is what you called human mentality. People will never say no to more.
For example, if a person is known to be the richest person on earth, do you think that person will just retire and live a peaceful life? NO!!! Why?
He/she will use whatever means necessary to preserve his/her status as the richest person on earth to avoid being overtaken by others (KIASU). Indirectly saying, people will never say no to more especially to wealth and fame..
But you one things for sure,
You will never know what will happen in the future.
If one day you went bankrupt, you lost your wealth and fame.
What will you do next?
Wealth and fame are just temporary happiness because they do not follow you after your death.
When will people going to learn how to treasure something that is already around us all the time like sand, earth, grass and etc.
Tell you one fact, to be a rich person, one has to do something dirty in order to achieve his/her targets or else gaining that reputation would seem to be almost impossible.
I am not going to mention the examples because I am afraid I might get sued.
When you're too rich for your own good, people respect you, people act in front of you just to gain benefits from you and some might hate you because your humanity has been consumed by your own pride.
As I mentioned earlier, this "grass" can help with your illness.
It can help extend your life. Even if you don't have wealth and fame and poor, you still have people to love. Love is a lifetime happiness and not temporary.
Without life do you think you have the chance to earn wealth and fame?
Which is more important to you?
Diamond or grass?
P/S: Only one can be chosen not both. This is a simple quiz to help you reflect on what you're doing in the real life.
The Meaning of Love
Love is unmeasurable.
Love doesn't take into account how long we met each other.
Love doesn't take into account how you look like.
Love doesn't take into consider how well you know each other.
Love is born from our hearts.
We are born through love.
Love doesn't take into consider how far and how long both of you are separated.
Love doesn't take into account how bad the other treats you.
You don't yell at the other although he/she treats you badly to avoid feelings to be hurt because that is love.
If you thought I blamed you then I will say I am sorry because that is love.
If you misunderstand my intentions then I am sorry because that is love.
No matter how many "I love you" you whispered to me and at the end of day you actually told me you hated me all the while, I still love you.
When I made you tea, I always take a sip before passing to you because I want to ensure the level of sweetness is just as you wanted because that is love.
When your are cold at night, I strive to get you an extra blanket to ensure warmth envelopes around you because that is love.
When you want to go pasar malam, I will always accompany you although I am sick because that is love.
When I am sick I don't really want to tell you because I am afraid that you will worry too much because I love you.
I always place you at my highest priority because I want to fulfill your every needs because I love you.
You beh song me for no reasons sometimes because you want me to hug you and be with you. That's love.
You asked me not to talk/chat with others nor reply others comment and I am willing to obey you because I love you.
I sleep with you every night and day(naps) because I am afraid that you will be lonely. That's love.
Right before the holidays when you want to bid me farewell, I strive to make it up to you to ensure you won't feel sad because that is love.
Everytime you cry, I will try my best to console you and plant happiness back into you and say I am sorry because that is love.
When your sick I will try my best to take care of you because that's love.
If I failed to take care of you, I am sorry and I will even give in my live in exchange to compensate my failure because I love you.
If you're going to die I will make sure you won't be lonely in paradise. That's love.
If one of your organs failed to function, I will donate without second thoughts because that is love.
When I cried, you think it is disgusting but I accept it and ask no question in return because that is love.
When I am down and you were not there for me, I won't blame you or angry with you because
that is love.
No matter how much you criticize me, I will still accept what you are because that is love.
No matter how much you forgotten about me, I will still remember who you are because that is love.
If you want to kill me, I won't retaliate because that is love.
Although you suddenly change heart for another person without giving me valid reasons, I won't
blame you because I love you.
No matter how cruel you are towards me, I will still love you the way you are because that's love.
Loyalty towards a person in a relationship is derived from love.
I am willing to change, I am willing to give anything you want in exchange for nothing because that is love.
I am willing to give all that I have to you although you will only ignore me in return and say I am foolish because that is love.
Whatever I mentioned, I mean it because I love you.
Eventhough my sadness will last forever but loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my entire life.
I even hope that you will give me the chance to love you again.
Eventhough you do not give me the opportunity to love you again, I will still love you the way you are.
Love has no limits and doesn't mind who you are or what you are.
Love is our life force, the only thing that keeps us alive.
That is why I did not die eventhough I wanted to die.
Because all these love kept me from dying.
My last wish is to hope you will understand the true meaning of love one day.
Love doesn't take into account how long we met each other.
Love doesn't take into account how you look like.
Love doesn't take into consider how well you know each other.
Love is born from our hearts.
We are born through love.
Love doesn't take into consider how far and how long both of you are separated.
Love doesn't take into account how bad the other treats you.
You don't yell at the other although he/she treats you badly to avoid feelings to be hurt because that is love.
If you thought I blamed you then I will say I am sorry because that is love.
If you misunderstand my intentions then I am sorry because that is love.
No matter how many "I love you" you whispered to me and at the end of day you actually told me you hated me all the while, I still love you.
When I made you tea, I always take a sip before passing to you because I want to ensure the level of sweetness is just as you wanted because that is love.
When your are cold at night, I strive to get you an extra blanket to ensure warmth envelopes around you because that is love.
When you want to go pasar malam, I will always accompany you although I am sick because that is love.
When I am sick I don't really want to tell you because I am afraid that you will worry too much because I love you.
I always place you at my highest priority because I want to fulfill your every needs because I love you.
You beh song me for no reasons sometimes because you want me to hug you and be with you. That's love.
You asked me not to talk/chat with others nor reply others comment and I am willing to obey you because I love you.
I sleep with you every night and day(naps) because I am afraid that you will be lonely. That's love.
Right before the holidays when you want to bid me farewell, I strive to make it up to you to ensure you won't feel sad because that is love.
Everytime you cry, I will try my best to console you and plant happiness back into you and say I am sorry because that is love.
When your sick I will try my best to take care of you because that's love.
If I failed to take care of you, I am sorry and I will even give in my live in exchange to compensate my failure because I love you.
If you're going to die I will make sure you won't be lonely in paradise. That's love.
If one of your organs failed to function, I will donate without second thoughts because that is love.
When I cried, you think it is disgusting but I accept it and ask no question in return because that is love.
When I am down and you were not there for me, I won't blame you or angry with you because
that is love.
No matter how much you criticize me, I will still accept what you are because that is love.
No matter how much you forgotten about me, I will still remember who you are because that is love.
If you want to kill me, I won't retaliate because that is love.
Although you suddenly change heart for another person without giving me valid reasons, I won't
blame you because I love you.
No matter how cruel you are towards me, I will still love you the way you are because that's love.
Loyalty towards a person in a relationship is derived from love.
I am willing to change, I am willing to give anything you want in exchange for nothing because that is love.
I am willing to give all that I have to you although you will only ignore me in return and say I am foolish because that is love.
Whatever I mentioned, I mean it because I love you.
Eventhough my sadness will last forever but loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my entire life.
I even hope that you will give me the chance to love you again.
Eventhough you do not give me the opportunity to love you again, I will still love you the way you are.
Love has no limits and doesn't mind who you are or what you are.
Love is our life force, the only thing that keeps us alive.
That is why I did not die eventhough I wanted to die.
Because all these love kept me from dying.
My last wish is to hope you will understand the true meaning of love one day.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The Story of My Accident...
It began like this..
Both of us went out together for dinner.
Before we reach there, we met an accident.
The car if front of us went out of control and banged on us.
Later...
It was a miracle because she was uninjured whereas I am the opposite.
I was unconscious then.
When she went out of the car, she found out that the driver of the car that banged on us had minor cuts.
I was sent to the hospital and was pronounced deceased hours later I arrived.
What happened to her and the guy who banged us?
Did they argued over the accident?
Did she mourn for me?
Did they went to the police station?
I seriously do not know because I was dead.
I knew I was dead but,
I felt a dream-like event occurred in my mind.
I found myself in a pitch black room without doors and moments later, a narrow dim light appeared at one of the corners of the room.
I heard someone whispered,
"Come to me dear Vincent and give up thy sins!! Are thou ready to follow me to the light or thou prefer the dark as thou always like? "
The whisper stopped and the narrow dim light began to fade.
Without hesitating, I ran towards it and gave up my sins as he requested through repentance.
Suddenly,
A blinding flash of light, brighter than anything appeared from everywhere.
I felt like it nearly disintegrated my eyes.
Then,
I found myself in the morgue.
I spontaneously stole a coat I found in the morgue and escaped the dreaded place through a window.
I went back to my own home by taxi, home where both of us lived together.
When I reached home, the door was unlock.
I went in but couldn't find her anywhere.
Before thinking too much, I went to bathe because I can even smell my own "pheromone".
To my surprise, I couldn't find any scars on anywhere of my body and face when I looked into the mirror.
Supposedly I should be disfigured from the accident.
After bathing, I dressed up and called her.
She picked up the phone and asked me who I am.
I told her who i am.
She was shocked and told me that the accident was days ago and thought I was a goner for sure because I was already pronounced deceased along with a death certificate.
I asked her where she is and she told me she is at her friends house but she asked me to wait for her to come back.
30 minutes later,
She came back and I ran to hug her because I miss her alot.
Then she told me,
"Vincent.. We are not like last time already. My feelings for you has disappeared and I dunno why? What we did last time, I barely remember anything at all. Now I already got a boyfriend"
I replied,
"Hey!! It's just few days only and you can tell me that you forgotten everything? Within these few days you can change your heart so fast for another guy? Are you kidding me?"
She said,
"I am really sorry because I don't even feel like hugging you when you hugged me. I think it will be hard if we are continue this because I don't love you anymore."
I replied emotionally,
"Fantastic!!! What you promised me, what you told me and all the smses you wrote me were fake?"
She replied me,
"I dunno.. Even when I look back at my diary, I wanted to laugh because the things wrote there were so childish and I couldn't believe anyone could write that."
My tears began to flow downward like waterfall streams and I replied her,
"Great!! I can't really believe what have become of you.. Who is that guy?"
I was expecting her to keep herself silent but words began uttered from her mouth after a few minutes.
She uttered,
"You dunno who one la!! We met in an accident"
I replied,
"WHAT??!!"
She answered in a cruel manner,
" The guy who banged your car that night."
I replied with anger,
"ZOMGWTFBBQ!!! So you fell in love with him because of that lame accident? Because of that you could forget everything about us? What goddamn ridiculous excuses are you giving me man??!! Do you know why am I still alive without any holes and scars on my body? It was a second chance given by god himself. He gave me a chance to repent, a chance to change myself or to improve myself so that I won't repeat the mistakes I made in the past. What I need now is for you to give me a chance to prove that I have changed. You are the love of my life, of course I need you in my life, I need your motivation and support when I am alone and I am no longer a hermit now because I have changed. We have our own house... Our own car. We are close to marriage dear. You are a part of my life and I will not be fully revived without you giving me another chance....."
She answered me cooly,
"Sorry Vincent.. I am truly sorry really.. But I don't feel like staying with you anymore. Now I am living at his house.. Bye Vincent..."
She left the house after finishing her final words.
Her final words left me confused.
I've been telling to myself,
"What really happened right after I was sent to the hospital? I clearly have no idea at all."
"Instead of mourning for my death she had the time to find new partner and in such a short period of time."
"I seriously never heard of anyone who could do this."
"I realised that the second chance from god was to expose me to this heartbreaking experience."
"To let me know that there is such "human" living among us."
THE END
Both of us went out together for dinner.
Before we reach there, we met an accident.
The car if front of us went out of control and banged on us.
Later...
It was a miracle because she was uninjured whereas I am the opposite.
I was unconscious then.
When she went out of the car, she found out that the driver of the car that banged on us had minor cuts.
I was sent to the hospital and was pronounced deceased hours later I arrived.
What happened to her and the guy who banged us?
Did they argued over the accident?
Did she mourn for me?
Did they went to the police station?
I seriously do not know because I was dead.
I knew I was dead but,
I felt a dream-like event occurred in my mind.
I found myself in a pitch black room without doors and moments later, a narrow dim light appeared at one of the corners of the room.
I heard someone whispered,
"Come to me dear Vincent and give up thy sins!! Are thou ready to follow me to the light or thou prefer the dark as thou always like? "
The whisper stopped and the narrow dim light began to fade.
Without hesitating, I ran towards it and gave up my sins as he requested through repentance.
Suddenly,
A blinding flash of light, brighter than anything appeared from everywhere.
I felt like it nearly disintegrated my eyes.
Then,
I found myself in the morgue.
I spontaneously stole a coat I found in the morgue and escaped the dreaded place through a window.
I went back to my own home by taxi, home where both of us lived together.
When I reached home, the door was unlock.
I went in but couldn't find her anywhere.
Before thinking too much, I went to bathe because I can even smell my own "pheromone".
To my surprise, I couldn't find any scars on anywhere of my body and face when I looked into the mirror.
Supposedly I should be disfigured from the accident.
After bathing, I dressed up and called her.
She picked up the phone and asked me who I am.
I told her who i am.
She was shocked and told me that the accident was days ago and thought I was a goner for sure because I was already pronounced deceased along with a death certificate.
I asked her where she is and she told me she is at her friends house but she asked me to wait for her to come back.
30 minutes later,
She came back and I ran to hug her because I miss her alot.
Then she told me,
"Vincent.. We are not like last time already. My feelings for you has disappeared and I dunno why? What we did last time, I barely remember anything at all. Now I already got a boyfriend"
I replied,
"Hey!! It's just few days only and you can tell me that you forgotten everything? Within these few days you can change your heart so fast for another guy? Are you kidding me?"
She said,
"I am really sorry because I don't even feel like hugging you when you hugged me. I think it will be hard if we are continue this because I don't love you anymore."
I replied emotionally,
"Fantastic!!! What you promised me, what you told me and all the smses you wrote me were fake?"
She replied me,
"I dunno.. Even when I look back at my diary, I wanted to laugh because the things wrote there were so childish and I couldn't believe anyone could write that."
My tears began to flow downward like waterfall streams and I replied her,
"Great!! I can't really believe what have become of you.. Who is that guy?"
I was expecting her to keep herself silent but words began uttered from her mouth after a few minutes.
She uttered,
"You dunno who one la!! We met in an accident"
I replied,
"WHAT??!!"
She answered in a cruel manner,
" The guy who banged your car that night."
I replied with anger,
"ZOMGWTFBBQ!!! So you fell in love with him because of that lame accident? Because of that you could forget everything about us? What goddamn ridiculous excuses are you giving me man??!! Do you know why am I still alive without any holes and scars on my body? It was a second chance given by god himself. He gave me a chance to repent, a chance to change myself or to improve myself so that I won't repeat the mistakes I made in the past. What I need now is for you to give me a chance to prove that I have changed. You are the love of my life, of course I need you in my life, I need your motivation and support when I am alone and I am no longer a hermit now because I have changed. We have our own house... Our own car. We are close to marriage dear. You are a part of my life and I will not be fully revived without you giving me another chance....."
She answered me cooly,
"Sorry Vincent.. I am truly sorry really.. But I don't feel like staying with you anymore. Now I am living at his house.. Bye Vincent..."
She left the house after finishing her final words.
Her final words left me confused.
I've been telling to myself,
"What really happened right after I was sent to the hospital? I clearly have no idea at all."
"Instead of mourning for my death she had the time to find new partner and in such a short period of time."
"I seriously never heard of anyone who could do this."
"I realised that the second chance from god was to expose me to this heartbreaking experience."
"To let me know that there is such "human" living among us."
THE END
P/S : So is that all she knows how to say? What we can conclude from this story is, she met new love through an accident whereas I lost my love through an accident/surprise. This story is fiction but related or similar to the true story. Just few days she could forget everything about us (almost a year) and love another person. I seriously got no clue how they could get along so quick. God knows why in a blink of an eye, I lost the love of my life in such a tragedy. I don't even know whether her happiness is real or bluffing herself as I don't see any regrets in your actions. You really assume I am dead?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Future Does Not Exist Without Past...
I admit that last time I wasn't treating you at my best.
But,
It doesn't mean that I am treating badly either.
I told you that I already changed.
I have improved myself and determined to treat you at my best.
Because I learned from my past.
The things I done.
The mistakes I made.
Learning from my own past allowed me to become a better person.
Enabled me to avoid repeating history itself.
Why can't you take a look of your history as well?
Is it worth sacrificing all our memories?
Is it worth dumping a person that is so deeply in love with you and loyal to you?
A person who is willing to sacrifice for a better future together?
WHY are you moving on so blindly?
There future does not exist without the past you know?
Future are influenced by past.
For example, if you died in the past will you still exist in the future?
Ask yourself how many ex-bf you already have?
How many ex-bf's do you want in your life before you actually get married?
When are you going to put an end to all this?
Do you know that your very vulnerable in emotion?
When your down or your sad, any guy who can sweet talk with you, you will straight consider it?
Without caring about the person who truly loves you and willing to forget everything about the person?
Are you that type of person?
You don't just move to the future assuming the past does not exist.
What you done already left scars in the past.
Are you sure that the guy your interested in will lead you to a better future?
or end up the same or worse?
How sure is your instinct?
Are you sure he is as loyal as I am?
If I am not loyal, I won't be moaning to myself until now you know?
You told me so confidently and firmly that I am your last.
Oh is that so?
I am guessing you're telling him the same thing rite?
I am not judging his personality.
Don't get me wrong.
I am only saying that anyone can change in a split second.
Bad or good that I do not know.
Why do I say anyone could change in a split second.
Because what you did to me already proven that to be possible.
Why aren't you giving me another chance?
Am I too bad to be reconsidered?
Why can't you assume I am another person?
As a matter a fact, I am totally changed.
A new "person".
Why can't you treat me as another "person"?
Why can't you give an opportunity to this "person" to love you?
To take care of you.
To create new life together.
Do you ever consider or compare between two persons, who can prove that to you?
I am sure you can make even better decisions if you look into the past.
You won't regret it.
This is a fact not proven by me but by psychologist.
You still got a choice now.
Why make this world so torturing for us to live in?
But,
It doesn't mean that I am treating badly either.
I told you that I already changed.
I have improved myself and determined to treat you at my best.
Because I learned from my past.
The things I done.
The mistakes I made.
Learning from my own past allowed me to become a better person.
Enabled me to avoid repeating history itself.
Why can't you take a look of your history as well?
Is it worth sacrificing all our memories?
Is it worth dumping a person that is so deeply in love with you and loyal to you?
A person who is willing to sacrifice for a better future together?
WHY are you moving on so blindly?
There future does not exist without the past you know?
Future are influenced by past.
For example, if you died in the past will you still exist in the future?
Ask yourself how many ex-bf you already have?
How many ex-bf's do you want in your life before you actually get married?
When are you going to put an end to all this?
Do you know that your very vulnerable in emotion?
When your down or your sad, any guy who can sweet talk with you, you will straight consider it?
Without caring about the person who truly loves you and willing to forget everything about the person?
Are you that type of person?
You don't just move to the future assuming the past does not exist.
What you done already left scars in the past.
Are you sure that the guy your interested in will lead you to a better future?
or end up the same or worse?
How sure is your instinct?
Are you sure he is as loyal as I am?
If I am not loyal, I won't be moaning to myself until now you know?
You told me so confidently and firmly that I am your last.
Oh is that so?
I am guessing you're telling him the same thing rite?
I am not judging his personality.
Don't get me wrong.
I am only saying that anyone can change in a split second.
Bad or good that I do not know.
Why do I say anyone could change in a split second.
Because what you did to me already proven that to be possible.
Why aren't you giving me another chance?
Am I too bad to be reconsidered?
Why can't you assume I am another person?
As a matter a fact, I am totally changed.
A new "person".
Why can't you treat me as another "person"?
Why can't you give an opportunity to this "person" to love you?
To take care of you.
To create new life together.
Do you ever consider or compare between two persons, who can prove that to you?
I am sure you can make even better decisions if you look into the past.
You won't regret it.
This is a fact not proven by me but by psychologist.
You still got a choice now.
Why make this world so torturing for us to live in?
Monday, June 22, 2009
I Love You!!!
You always mentioned,
"If you don't love me, please let her go."
"If you don't love her please let others love."
Well,
I hope you're not referring to me.
Because my love and care for you will never dissipate.
It was you who rejected all these from me.
It was you who doesn't allow me to love and care for you.
I hope you understand what I mean.
If I don't love you or care for you,
I wouldn't be in this situation right now do you understand?
All these symptoms occurred was because my love for you is far greater than you can possibly imagine
And
I can't let go no matter what I do.
All I wish now is for you to return to me.
Because I truly love you and I want to take care of you.
I hope you will give me another chance to prove myself worthy.
I love you hon hon...^X^
"If you don't love me, please let her go."
"If you don't love her please let others love."
Well,
I hope you're not referring to me.
Because my love and care for you will never dissipate.
It was you who rejected all these from me.
It was you who doesn't allow me to love and care for you.
I hope you understand what I mean.
If I don't love you or care for you,
I wouldn't be in this situation right now do you understand?
All these symptoms occurred was because my love for you is far greater than you can possibly imagine
And
I can't let go no matter what I do.
All I wish now is for you to return to me.
Because I truly love you and I want to take care of you.
I hope you will give me another chance to prove myself worthy.
I love you hon hon...^X^
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Dying...
Sorry to say this but...
I told myself and convinced myself to forget..
But....
I failed once again.
Over and over again you can say.
I don't know whether it has turned into a disease or just a mere side effect from what had happened.
Recently,
I succeeded in forgetting about her for almost the whole day.
A good sign considered, right?
But,
When I sleep that night, I received random dreams, all about her.
Inside the dreams, she was very nice towards me and treated me like before.
Do things like before.
I was very happy and content.
I really thought she came back to me.
But, I later knew it was only dreams when I woke up.
Great!!!
It's as if my mind doesn't want me to let go.
Doesn't want me to forget.
That's why the dreams came.
Reinforcing the memories in my mind.
I am currently receiving constant dreams of how nice she is treating me everytime I sleep, even nap.
Indirectly making me even harder to forget.
Don't blame me because I can't control my own dreams.
As i said, they are random.
So, I tried my best.
Yet
I can feel that my situation has worsen.
She is like a part of my life.
A part of my vital structure.
This vital structure in me is deteriorating as she started to depart.
My situation now is as if I am gradually losing muscle mass in my lungs.
Causing me to die slowly and painfully in an agonizing death.
Why are you "helping" me anyway?
Do you know that you are destroying me?
Are these all your intentions?
If so,
You should be damn happy and proud with it now right?
Because I'm dying now.
I really wonder what was the purpose of those dreams?
Is my mind trying to convince me that I still got chances or making me suffer?
If she doesn't want to return.
Then, there is nothing else I can do now but to succumb to my own mind.
Allowing it to destroy me slowly.
Now it's only dream.
What's next?
I told myself and convinced myself to forget..
But....
I failed once again.
Over and over again you can say.
I don't know whether it has turned into a disease or just a mere side effect from what had happened.
Recently,
I succeeded in forgetting about her for almost the whole day.
A good sign considered, right?
But,
When I sleep that night, I received random dreams, all about her.
Inside the dreams, she was very nice towards me and treated me like before.
Do things like before.
I was very happy and content.
I really thought she came back to me.
But, I later knew it was only dreams when I woke up.
Great!!!
It's as if my mind doesn't want me to let go.
Doesn't want me to forget.
That's why the dreams came.
Reinforcing the memories in my mind.
I am currently receiving constant dreams of how nice she is treating me everytime I sleep, even nap.
Indirectly making me even harder to forget.
Don't blame me because I can't control my own dreams.
As i said, they are random.
So, I tried my best.
Yet
I can feel that my situation has worsen.
She is like a part of my life.
A part of my vital structure.
This vital structure in me is deteriorating as she started to depart.
My situation now is as if I am gradually losing muscle mass in my lungs.
Causing me to die slowly and painfully in an agonizing death.
Why are you "helping" me anyway?
Do you know that you are destroying me?
Are these all your intentions?
If so,
You should be damn happy and proud with it now right?
Because I'm dying now.
I really wonder what was the purpose of those dreams?
Is my mind trying to convince me that I still got chances or making me suffer?
If she doesn't want to return.
Then, there is nothing else I can do now but to succumb to my own mind.
Allowing it to destroy me slowly.
Now it's only dream.
What's next?
Friday, June 19, 2009
The Torment of Unforgettable Memories
I never have any peace in my mind till now, since 1st of June.
The day that you gave me an unexpected "anniversary surprise".
My head is spinning all time.
Feeling tired but can't sleep most of the time.
Memories flooding in my mind.
Rushing towards like streams of wave.
As if flipping through a book page by page, reminding me of your past until what you have become now.
Tried many methods, yet pointless.
Often confused when pondering what I am suppose to do.
Throughout Kampar, everywhere I go, reminds me of you.
The whole area is tainted by your history.
In university, almost every sections of the place is tainted by your history.
Yet, you came to my hometown before.
There is no escape even in my own house as it is also tainted by your history.
Everywhere I can go reminds me of you.
Things you said ever since we been together is still very fresh in my mind.
Forcing myself to forget.
Is that a wise choice?
I tried.
It made me even more pain than usual.
I felt that these memories are too ridiculously to forget.
If such unforgettable memories were to applied in studies,
I would have beaten world class students at studies with minimal effort.
But sadly no.
The memories were applied in blurring and haunting me .
Why force yourself to forget about me while you still share strong feelings towards me?
Why do you want to do that to yourself?
Why can't we be what we supposed to be?
Why torture yourself not to love me while you still love me?
Why do have to sacrifice in this way?
Why do you want to torment us both?
Why is there so many Why's?!
The day that you gave me an unexpected "anniversary surprise".
My head is spinning all time.
Feeling tired but can't sleep most of the time.
Memories flooding in my mind.
Rushing towards like streams of wave.
As if flipping through a book page by page, reminding me of your past until what you have become now.
Tried many methods, yet pointless.
Often confused when pondering what I am suppose to do.
Throughout Kampar, everywhere I go, reminds me of you.
The whole area is tainted by your history.
In university, almost every sections of the place is tainted by your history.
Yet, you came to my hometown before.
There is no escape even in my own house as it is also tainted by your history.
Everywhere I can go reminds me of you.
Things you said ever since we been together is still very fresh in my mind.
Forcing myself to forget.
Is that a wise choice?
I tried.
It made me even more pain than usual.
I felt that these memories are too ridiculously to forget.
If such unforgettable memories were to applied in studies,
I would have beaten world class students at studies with minimal effort.
But sadly no.
The memories were applied in blurring and haunting me .
Why force yourself to forget about me while you still share strong feelings towards me?
Why do you want to do that to yourself?
Why can't we be what we supposed to be?
Why torture yourself not to love me while you still love me?
Why do have to sacrifice in this way?
Why do you want to torment us both?
Why is there so many Why's?!
The Runaway Bride
Whatever I promised to do now or in the future,
I will finish what I already started and end it.
I will be responsible for what I said, what I have done and what I have vowed.
Even if I left the group now I will be responsible for whatever assignment started with me.
Although it does not benefit me at all.
Normal people will just leave without a word, without caring the group members feeling.
"Because, what for suffer so much at the end, where you don't gain anything in return. It is such a waste of your time."
The usual favorite speech by the "normal people" i mentioned.
Later,
In a blink of an eye, one of them has to present your part.
Indirectly requiring extra effort for the chosen "lucky one".
So,
The game I promised to hand it over to you, I will make sure you'll get it at the end.
So, don't worry.
Well, surely such action won't affect any changes of your feelings towards me.
As you will still react coldly against me.
Yes, it is stupid of me for doing this but I remember what I said and I will be responsible for what I said.
But, one thing..
Are you responsible for what you done, what you promised and what you said in the past?
Thousands of promises uttered from your mouth.
Same promises whispered from your mouth directly to my ears almost daily.
Where has it gone to?
"Shall I compare thee to a summer day, thou art lovely and temperate..ya de ya de ya de ya.. I love you, lord of stupid.. I afraid tat you will leave me more than I will." (sms)
"You are the final bf that I will ever have coz you're the most special among my previous ones.. I will only think of you and no one else. I will only marry you in the future and will never leave you. We will have kids together. I want our daughter next time to be as fair as you and as leng lui as me. haha.. I want our son to be at least as tall as you or taller and as handsome as you are." (whispered)
This is just 2 examples of your "promises".
There are plenty more especially the sms-es you sent me.
I kept those in my record.
Before I can show you these proofs, you said you forgotten.
In my heart I know you remember all these, your just trying to act in front me.
Why?
To make up my mind to dump you?
So that you can be with the next one?
I am responsible for what I said.
I said I won't dump you means I won't dump you.
What are you thinking actually?
You thought that was just stupidity or you thought that was a joke?
What you have become right now is no longer the "you" that I knew anymore.
I just realised recently that I was the one being played all the while.
Thousands of promises were actually thousands of jokes just to make this Lord of Stupid happy momentarily.
Well congrats to you.
You finally tricked me because I fell for it, making me myself to officially call myself Lord of Stupid.
Our relationship was getting deeper and deeper each months until it halted just weeks ago.
Because you suddenly don't have feelings for me and don't recall the moments we been together.
Great!!!
That is how my bride-to-be ran away.
I will finish what I already started and end it.
I will be responsible for what I said, what I have done and what I have vowed.
Even if I left the group now I will be responsible for whatever assignment started with me.
Although it does not benefit me at all.
Normal people will just leave without a word, without caring the group members feeling.
"Because, what for suffer so much at the end, where you don't gain anything in return. It is such a waste of your time."
The usual favorite speech by the "normal people" i mentioned.
Later,
In a blink of an eye, one of them has to present your part.
Indirectly requiring extra effort for the chosen "lucky one".
So,
The game I promised to hand it over to you, I will make sure you'll get it at the end.
So, don't worry.
Well, surely such action won't affect any changes of your feelings towards me.
As you will still react coldly against me.
Yes, it is stupid of me for doing this but I remember what I said and I will be responsible for what I said.
But, one thing..
Are you responsible for what you done, what you promised and what you said in the past?
Thousands of promises uttered from your mouth.
Same promises whispered from your mouth directly to my ears almost daily.
Where has it gone to?
"Shall I compare thee to a summer day, thou art lovely and temperate..ya de ya de ya de ya.. I love you, lord of stupid.. I afraid tat you will leave me more than I will." (sms)
"You are the final bf that I will ever have coz you're the most special among my previous ones.. I will only think of you and no one else. I will only marry you in the future and will never leave you. We will have kids together. I want our daughter next time to be as fair as you and as leng lui as me. haha.. I want our son to be at least as tall as you or taller and as handsome as you are." (whispered)
This is just 2 examples of your "promises".
There are plenty more especially the sms-es you sent me.
I kept those in my record.
Before I can show you these proofs, you said you forgotten.
In my heart I know you remember all these, your just trying to act in front me.
Why?
To make up my mind to dump you?
So that you can be with the next one?
I am responsible for what I said.
I said I won't dump you means I won't dump you.
What are you thinking actually?
You thought that was just stupidity or you thought that was a joke?
What you have become right now is no longer the "you" that I knew anymore.
I just realised recently that I was the one being played all the while.
Thousands of promises were actually thousands of jokes just to make this Lord of Stupid happy momentarily.
Well congrats to you.
You finally tricked me because I fell for it, making me myself to officially call myself Lord of Stupid.
Our relationship was getting deeper and deeper each months until it halted just weeks ago.
Because you suddenly don't have feelings for me and don't recall the moments we been together.
Great!!!
That is how my bride-to-be ran away.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Friends?! Is that possible?
Once a couple will never be friends again until the end of days.
Too much thoughts.
Too much memories.
Too much feelings.
Too much love has been induced.
Too much efforts were used to sustain love.
Impossible to dissipate.
Never ever possible.
Can never talk like usual friends.
Things will never be the same again as the past.
Can't kill my love for you.
Too deeply in love with you.
She is my most unique tulip ever.
People said it's just a normal tulip and asked me to search for other tulips as they are many around.
I declined!!
Because they did not unravel its true uniqueness.
So lovely, so warming, so beautiful yet so caring.
Such people will never understand that.
But I do..
Because I can feel it blossoming so beautifully when I am close to it.
I will keep this tulip and preserve it until the day of my death.
Taking care of its health.
Supplying the best nutrients at the best conditions.
Culture new tulips from this unique one.
Join together as families.
Generations after generations.
Love will last forever.
Too much thoughts.
Too much memories.
Too much feelings.
Too much love has been induced.
Too much efforts were used to sustain love.
Impossible to dissipate.
Never ever possible.
Can never talk like usual friends.
Things will never be the same again as the past.
Can't kill my love for you.
Too deeply in love with you.
She is my most unique tulip ever.
People said it's just a normal tulip and asked me to search for other tulips as they are many around.
I declined!!
Because they did not unravel its true uniqueness.
So lovely, so warming, so beautiful yet so caring.
Such people will never understand that.
But I do..
Because I can feel it blossoming so beautifully when I am close to it.
I will keep this tulip and preserve it until the day of my death.
Taking care of its health.
Supplying the best nutrients at the best conditions.
Culture new tulips from this unique one.
Join together as families.
Generations after generations.
Love will last forever.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Do You Still Love Me?
Everything I done for you.
Everything I sacrifice for you.
What for?
It's because I love you.
Why are willing to destroy the sweet memories we had together just in few days?
For the past 3 months, our love became so much deeper.
Not only that, we miss each other even more than before.
Now?
Just a couple of days you could say you forgotten everything about us?
You don't have anymore feelings towards me?
You also mentioned could we be friends again.
But seriously, are you really treating me as a friend or an enemy I wonder.
Do you actually understand what were my feelings when you said something like this?
Well, tell u one thing.
Do you still remember the last time I joked with you mentioning that i wanted to leave you?
Do you remember what was your emotions at that moment?
Right before I could tell you I was just joking, you instantly ran back to your room and cried till there is no tomorrow.
If I do not confess that I was just joking, you would thought I really meant it.
What really broke my heart was, you saying I looked like so called idiot and not even worthy to be your friend.
You know something.
I don't cry just to anyone and basically I never cried for ages.
Additionally, I never cried just for someone before.
You told me before that if I cried for you means I love you very much and you were so happy and glad that I'm so loyal to you. That was where our relationship began to flourish.
Now?
When I cried for you, I'm just a piece of shit to you right?
Or
Just a mentally retarded adult who has a mind of a kid who likes to cry like a baby?
Is that what you mean now?
Then what about you when you cried?
When you needed me the most I always try my best to be with you and console you whenever you are moody, sad and hurt.
When I needed you the most, where are you?
You left me, that's what it is.
You even said if I die, nobody will ever bother about it cause your not worth loving.
So, I'm just a piece of "shit" that even a dung beetle won't be attracted to?
I wonder do you treat me as a person or just a piece of "shit".
How can you be so cruel all the sudden?
Why do you want to dump our love away?
Why do you want to destroy our opportunity to live together in the future where it is only a matter of steps only.
Why do you want to act in front of me? Do you think that I don't know your acting in front of me?
What's your purpose?
What's your motive?
Are you helping me?
Are you hurting me?
Or is it someone else fell in love with you, wanted to erase your memories forcefully so that both of you could live and love each other happily ever after without doubts?
If you could really erase all our memories together, so what?
Is that true love?
What about me?
You don't need to care about other's feelings as well?
Do you think it's a selfish act?
Do you think that what you do is right?
Do you believe that god will close one eye and act as if nothing had happened, like you?
You always mention you understand and know what is love.
For me, I clearly doubt so.
When we became couples, I never had the intention on leaving you or seducing new girls like what most guys would do. I never even want to talk to people to don't like me to talk to. I was willing to change my lifestyle from hermit just to suit your lifestyle in the future. I stayed with you 24/7 in the room because I want to take care of you, don't want you to be lonely, work with you and love you. I know I did something wrong to you sometimes. But, I asked for your forgiveness and willing to change it because we learn from our mistakes so that in the future we won't repeat it again. I know it's my bad because I didn't follow you to clinic but i asked for forgiveness and you forgave me that time. I even promised that I won't make you disappointed and sad because of that again. Now, you can just tell me you can't remember that you actually forgiven me and given me a chance. You intend to eat back your own words?
Before I met you, I never even walk out from the doorsteps of my room, do you know that? It was so hard for me to change yet i was able to change because love motivated me to do so. Now, as I already adapted to this kind of lifestyle, you expect me to go back to where I belong?
For a normal guy, I would have already found a new girl by now because what you said and did is more than enough to kill a guy's heart. But I didn't, instead I am willing to wait for you till the end of days and hope that you will realize I'm not the guy you think I am. I am forever loyal and willing to change just for our future.
Do you think it's stupid or foolish of me to be so naive?
One way or another, I still kept my vows to you that i will marry you and provide you the life you wanted most and I really meant it.
The vows you made, I recorded it, saved it and remembered it and you told me you can't remember any of them.
We were destined to be together if not it's for your doubts against me.
All these sufferings were all caused by your decisions.
Don't ask god for guidance please. You should first ask yourself and think about what you done rationally.
Are you truly happy with that? Is it worth doing this to yourself? Do you think your doing the right thing?
Do you think that the next bf of yours will really give you what you want or just end up like what you did to me at the end. How can you assure such confidence in you without doubts and regrets of your past actions?
I really hope you will truly understand what is right and what is wrong and make better decisions that will lead you to a better future. It's all up to you now. No one can help you with this other than yourself.
You clearly know me more than your other friends, so you should have known that i can keep my words well.
I said I will never dump you and will love you forever means I will never dump you and will love you forever. I can keep my vows forever. Whether you believe it or not, it's all up to you again.
I will never change what I already mentioned, not like you.
I really hope one day you will realize your mistakes.
If you do, I will forgive you at anytime because everyone makes mistakes and deserve a second chance no matter who or what he/she is.
I never have a blog before.
The reason why I have it now was because of you again.
I wish that you would really look back on your past actions and create a better solution for it.
That was the reason I have this blog now.
Please do not make the same mistake twice.
My advice is,
Do not continue what you are doing currently in an ongoing trend.
As you will have your day of retribution in years to come.
I love you La***...
Everything I sacrifice for you.
What for?
It's because I love you.
Why are willing to destroy the sweet memories we had together just in few days?
For the past 3 months, our love became so much deeper.
Not only that, we miss each other even more than before.
Now?
Just a couple of days you could say you forgotten everything about us?
You don't have anymore feelings towards me?
You also mentioned could we be friends again.
But seriously, are you really treating me as a friend or an enemy I wonder.
Do you actually understand what were my feelings when you said something like this?
Well, tell u one thing.
Do you still remember the last time I joked with you mentioning that i wanted to leave you?
Do you remember what was your emotions at that moment?
Right before I could tell you I was just joking, you instantly ran back to your room and cried till there is no tomorrow.
If I do not confess that I was just joking, you would thought I really meant it.
What really broke my heart was, you saying I looked like so called idiot and not even worthy to be your friend.
You know something.
I don't cry just to anyone and basically I never cried for ages.
Additionally, I never cried just for someone before.
You told me before that if I cried for you means I love you very much and you were so happy and glad that I'm so loyal to you. That was where our relationship began to flourish.
Now?
When I cried for you, I'm just a piece of shit to you right?
Or
Just a mentally retarded adult who has a mind of a kid who likes to cry like a baby?
Is that what you mean now?
Then what about you when you cried?
When you needed me the most I always try my best to be with you and console you whenever you are moody, sad and hurt.
When I needed you the most, where are you?
You left me, that's what it is.
You even said if I die, nobody will ever bother about it cause your not worth loving.
So, I'm just a piece of "shit" that even a dung beetle won't be attracted to?
I wonder do you treat me as a person or just a piece of "shit".
How can you be so cruel all the sudden?
Why do you want to dump our love away?
Why do you want to destroy our opportunity to live together in the future where it is only a matter of steps only.
Why do you want to act in front of me? Do you think that I don't know your acting in front of me?
What's your purpose?
What's your motive?
Are you helping me?
Are you hurting me?
Or is it someone else fell in love with you, wanted to erase your memories forcefully so that both of you could live and love each other happily ever after without doubts?
If you could really erase all our memories together, so what?
Is that true love?
What about me?
You don't need to care about other's feelings as well?
Do you think it's a selfish act?
Do you think that what you do is right?
Do you believe that god will close one eye and act as if nothing had happened, like you?
You always mention you understand and know what is love.
For me, I clearly doubt so.
When we became couples, I never had the intention on leaving you or seducing new girls like what most guys would do. I never even want to talk to people to don't like me to talk to. I was willing to change my lifestyle from hermit just to suit your lifestyle in the future. I stayed with you 24/7 in the room because I want to take care of you, don't want you to be lonely, work with you and love you. I know I did something wrong to you sometimes. But, I asked for your forgiveness and willing to change it because we learn from our mistakes so that in the future we won't repeat it again. I know it's my bad because I didn't follow you to clinic but i asked for forgiveness and you forgave me that time. I even promised that I won't make you disappointed and sad because of that again. Now, you can just tell me you can't remember that you actually forgiven me and given me a chance. You intend to eat back your own words?
Before I met you, I never even walk out from the doorsteps of my room, do you know that? It was so hard for me to change yet i was able to change because love motivated me to do so. Now, as I already adapted to this kind of lifestyle, you expect me to go back to where I belong?
For a normal guy, I would have already found a new girl by now because what you said and did is more than enough to kill a guy's heart. But I didn't, instead I am willing to wait for you till the end of days and hope that you will realize I'm not the guy you think I am. I am forever loyal and willing to change just for our future.
Do you think it's stupid or foolish of me to be so naive?
One way or another, I still kept my vows to you that i will marry you and provide you the life you wanted most and I really meant it.
The vows you made, I recorded it, saved it and remembered it and you told me you can't remember any of them.
We were destined to be together if not it's for your doubts against me.
All these sufferings were all caused by your decisions.
Don't ask god for guidance please. You should first ask yourself and think about what you done rationally.
Are you truly happy with that? Is it worth doing this to yourself? Do you think your doing the right thing?
Do you think that the next bf of yours will really give you what you want or just end up like what you did to me at the end. How can you assure such confidence in you without doubts and regrets of your past actions?
I really hope you will truly understand what is right and what is wrong and make better decisions that will lead you to a better future. It's all up to you now. No one can help you with this other than yourself.
You clearly know me more than your other friends, so you should have known that i can keep my words well.
I said I will never dump you and will love you forever means I will never dump you and will love you forever. I can keep my vows forever. Whether you believe it or not, it's all up to you again.
I will never change what I already mentioned, not like you.
I really hope one day you will realize your mistakes.
If you do, I will forgive you at anytime because everyone makes mistakes and deserve a second chance no matter who or what he/she is.
I never have a blog before.
The reason why I have it now was because of you again.
I wish that you would really look back on your past actions and create a better solution for it.
That was the reason I have this blog now.
Please do not make the same mistake twice.
My advice is,
Do not continue what you are doing currently in an ongoing trend.
As you will have your day of retribution in years to come.
I love you La***...
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