It's been a while.

It's been a while since the last post. Anyway, this post serves as a reminder to those who had and have not read my previous posts. What i meant was the posts with melancholic theme. Now looking back at the posts myself I felt like it was so stupid of me to write all those bullshits(similar to how angie felt after reviewing her post sometime later). To be honest, they served to help me blow off some steam at that time anyway. Now that I'm cool with that, I felt like I would want to delete all of them but I guess I'm too lazy to do that because I'm known to be one of the world's most laziest hermit. So you know la!!!!! I know it is pointless to say all this crap but it's just to tell you "potential readers" what I think after reviewing all that I've wrote from after such a long break from blogging. Well, this is my personal space isn't it? So maybe I wrote this post because I got nothing else better to do or possibly blowing off steam again? I'm not really sure myself too, I just suddenly felt like I want to write something that's all. I hope you know what I mean. That's all for now.

Lording and Banging Continues After CNY Holidays..

After a week long break, here we go again.

Lording and Banging returns. (Venue of Occurrence : 1519 A/4)

It happened everytime when I was about to reach Rapid Eye Movement(REM).

They banged and "lord-ed" so desperately as if they were going to die.

I'm sure you can imagine how it looked like with thy imagination.

I won't mention any names here but I think they'll understand and come after me if they read this.

I'm sure "Lord" will have a real hard time hibernating and practicing the art of hermit(AOH).

I would like to make things clear, hibernation and practicing the AOH are two different events.

Hibernation to me is equivalent to sleep and as for AOH, practicing it requires me to endure isolation and peace.

Lording and banging by others disrupt both these events. The fact of the matter is, disrupting my practice of AOH isn't as bad as disrupting my hibernation process because I can practice AOH almost anytime even in UTAR.

I was forced to take up a 4 hours long nap (5 - 9pm) due to the disruption of my hibernation yesterday and not to mention this morning as well after the sun was risen.

I'm sure that this is not the end. There'll be more to come in the future.

P/S : Just want to clarify some things, AOH includes fb-ing and some other social work that are done in a condition where peace and isolation are present. Lording is when they LORDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD from the other side of the door and banging is when they bang the door as usual.

Death Has Made Its Return..

It's been a while since my last post.

Honestly, I almost felt like quitting blogspot already but since there are some people who like my craps then maybe I'll reconsider changing my mind. It's unbelievable but true.

Starting from this post, I think I'm gonna make a change to my posts in terms of genre because my previous posts were all categorized as melancholy. There is no point ranting about my past life anymore because it ain't gonna change anything from now.

Anyway, I'm currently fasting for a week since I gained a serious amount of weight during my hols and last but not least, leveling up my art of hermit.

I came across some difficulties while practicing my art of hermit. My housemates especially "mamadan" always tries to figure something out just to disrupt my hermit training. One of his sneaky idea is by locking the toilet door from the opposite site, forcing me to bypass his room just to unlock the door from the other side which indirectly made me came out of my room. This method failed terribly maybe because they were too busy masturbating in their own mind until they never even saw or heard me coming in. They only thought it was a ghost. Well, I'm the Lord of Death, what do you expect.

Another so called ideas were by banging my door and bullshitting from the other side of the door(forcing me out by using noise). Unfortunately, not as effective as the 1st method.

That's that for now.

Wrong Turn

What your people said were true.

In my opinion, indeed you don't really understand him very well.

When he said your irritating, instantaneously you can know there is something wrong yet you still repeat it? Is that what you called understanding. Is it because you heart tells you that you're going at the correct direction just that he doesn't understand your so called deeds? Is this how you understand someone? Are you going to just sit there not doing anything while waiting for him to realize?

If so, I think I understand what's the reason you proposed a break up with me.

It's because you don't even understand who I am and what I'm capable of, although we've been together for almost a year.

You want to know why?

Because you do things going through only the heart but not the mind as well.

Your doing it correctly but partially, which led to imperfection.

I have to admit that you're quite irritating sometimes and I'm sure I'm quite irritating to you at times as well.

So we're equal so to speak.

But things doesn't work that way you know?

I hate to have wars with people especially the person I love.

What I did was, I tried my very best to understand what person god has created you to be.

I know I was late but at least I realized my mistakes and tried to fix it so that we could have a better life together.

But when I did, you turned against me without even realizing what I've been going through for you during the break.

Do you ever have the initiative to understand me or just say it for the sake of saying just like taking drugs?

You can say a zillion "I Love You" with your mouth but does your heart and mind really mean so?

I'm always afraid of that question everytime you mentioned that 3 words to me.

Well, you've taken your turn against me.

I just hope your next turn wouldn't be a wrong turn.

Death on Holidays!!!

Holidays have finally arrived.

It's been a while the death blog has been dormant.

This holidays could maybe my only chance to obliterate the hurtful memories you've implanted in my mind.

What you said was indeed damn fu*king true!!!

If you don't love me why would I still want to love you for? It doesn't make any difference if I chose either to love you or not love you.

If I only become a memory, just assume I never existed. Anyway, it's very clear that you've been doing that to me ever since that day.

Yeah!! Please don't ever show up in my life at the end of days because that would even be worse than hell on earth to me. When you graduated from university, please don't ever make a second mistake by coming back here again and I know you wouldn't anyway. This place brings you nightmare right? If so, please don't, because nobody will ever give a damn about it. Another suggestion, you can also forget about this place(Perak) and assume it has been wiped out from the face of the earth.

In your sight, I don't even think I am qualified to be a memory because you know why? You can pretend as if you never met me before plus whatever we did (pictures we taken together, facebook, msn and etc.), you have already deleted all of it by now I guess. In short you have deleted everything that links me to you.

I don't even know why I should care about you as you don't even care even if die or live because I don't deserve to be loved by people (That's the most cruel thing you told me that day and I can never forget that).

My love to you now has become a sort of hatred and I also don't know why? I know it is not good to hate people but I just can't help it because that was how I felt spontaneously, when somebody reminds me of you. Everytime I think of you I remembered how selfish you are and how bias you are in defining judgment. Additionally, you only think your doing the right thing whereas I the opposite. I absolutely can never believe I actually loved a person like this before. How can a person changed from "hero to zero" without a notice but a surprise with some lame excuses as backup. Well, I don't want to explain that again as I already did in the older entries.

If somebody did the same to you as you did to me, only then will you feel your own medicine.

Go ahead and live your chosen live then. I'm not going to get in your way because I don't care anymore. If you ever make a mistake in your life again, don't ever cry and regret if things do not come in the way you expected. So don't talk about so many if(s) because there's no such thing as so many if(s) in live because decisions are not trial and error. At 1st I don't accept the theory about "hero to zero" in life but what you did has already proven that to be possible to happen even in just a split moment. In short, the meaning of that term is, what comes around goes around, a friend today could be a foe tomorrow, a person you love today could be a person you hate tomorrow. It's ridiculous but possible thanks to your confirmation.

Quote of the day:

To live an easy live,

It's better to prepare yourself for the worse than preparing yourself for the better because you will never know what's coming for you.

Eternal Nightmare

I just realized how important you are to me.

In conjunction to that, I also realized that the damages you done to me was so deep, until it reaches my soul.

It's already nearing to 3 months break.

Few days ago I was beginning to forget almost everything about the melancholic events of my past.

Today, out of nowhere nightmares came haunting me in my dreams.

Reviving the pain in my life once again.

This didn't happened once but several times already.

As I mention before, dreams are beyond my control while slumbering.

In my opinion, I don't think all these nightmares are just coincidence.

So, I began to think that you did not only damage my heart but my soul as well.

I'm beginning to lose will in forgetting already because it doesn't work that way.

There must be some way but what is it?

How to end this eternal nightmare of mine other than forgetting?

Precognition

Every good or bad people needs a break.

I know if they were given a second chance, they'll do the right thing.

Too bad not all of us are gifted with the talent of precognition or premonition.

"Everytime if you got a glimpse on the future, the more the future changes."

It's because you know what's coming for you, so you will definitely come out with a solution to counter those unnecessary events that will occur. In other words, to evade the occurrences that you don't want to end up with.

Future can be change but the past can't.

What I always wished for is for all these things happening around me now, to be a dream when I woke up.

I wished that all these occurrences were just my premonition.

Well, it doesn't seem to be so anyway.

I guess I'm not the gifted person after all.

People who are gifted with that ability can get the chance to try out all the different possibilities or options in a dream or vision to decide which is the best option to choose in reality but for the people who aren't gifted, they have to choose only an option from list of options he/she has. Normal ones can't initiate test predictions. Therefore, they have to pick their poison because they do not know which is the best decision containing the least negative feedback.

Whatever we do, whatever decisions we make comes with a price.

As I said before, every decision has consequence(s) whether it's good or bad.

The differences only appear between good and bad choices when we talk about the severity of the outcome.

Nothing from us is perfect due to our imperfect origin.

We should bear in mind that think carefully and wisely before making any of it, a decision that works best for you and as for others.

Although it might not be perfect but at least, it could minimize the severity of the consequences from our decision(s).

"What comes around goes around"